You have an explanation for your defensive wall as long as you are hostile toward the other person. However, if you convince yourself that forgiveness entails exposing yourself to additional agony, you are supporting a frequent myth that forgiving condones the offender's conduct. It does not.
Forgiveness is a choice that you can make anytime you want to change how you feel or respond to someone. Forgiving someone who has wronged you doesn't mean that you condone their behavior. It means that you don't hold it against them and you don't let it affect your feelings toward them.
People often say that they need to be forgiven because of the pain that they caused others. However, the truth is that others need to be forgiven because of the pain that they caused others. If you look at it this way, you will never claim anyone as your own unless you allow them to go free.
The only one who can truly forgive someone is God himself. However, we know from experience that healing and peace come only when we release our grip on resentment and accept people as they are. That means allowing them to live their lives without us constantly replaying past events in our minds and therefore causing more pain for ourselves and everyone around us.
So the next time you're asked whether you've been forgiven, tell them "yes" even if you're still searching for answers to previous questions.
According to Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph. D. in Psychology Today, forgiveness can potentially extend your life. She also reminds us that practicing forgiveness does not imply ignoring the wrongdoing. This is significant because many individuals struggle with forgiveness since it makes them feel as if they are betraying their dignity. However, as you learn to forgive, you release tension and stress from your mind and body which helps you live a more healthy and happy life.
Forgiveness is an important part of healing from the past and moving forward with your life. If you believe that you have been wronged then it is essential to seek justice through legal means or else you will be forced to suffer silently which may cause more harm than good. However, if you choose to overlook the incident then you are failing to hold people accountable for their actions which is important for maintaining trust and credibility. For example, if someone steals from you then you should report the crime even if you decide not to pursue charges.
Forgiving others allows them to know that you have changed and grown beyond the incident which shows that you respect them as a person. It also demonstrates that you do not hold things against them which can sometimes cause them to view you negatively. However, if you keep this incident between you and them then they have no reason to treat you differently which may cause you to feel uncomfortable or insecure when interacting with them.
Forgiveness is something you do for yourself, not for the person who has harmed you. Forgiveness necessitates a willingness to forgive. Sometimes you won't because the harm was too severe, the individual was too aggressive, or the person exhibited no sorrow. But forgiveness is your choice no matter what others may think or say.
The truth is, you can never fully know how another person's mind works or why they did what they did. All you can do is look at their actions and judge whether or not you can forgive them. If you can't then that's your prerogative. But unless they confess their sins, show remorse, and ask for forgiveness, there's no point in trying to get it from them.
People who have inflicted great pain on you will often need help forgiving themselves, not only because of the injury done but also because of the behavior they displayed while doing it. This is especially true if the person who hurt you is still living with or near you. They must find ways to understand what they did wrong and why they should be forgiven even though they don't feel like it.
Forgiving someone who has hurt you doesn't mean that you condone what they did. It means that you believe they are worthy of being treated humanely and granted a second chance. Without forgiveness, nothing can ever change and all our efforts would be in vain.