Starting with the highest titled person, male or female, is the standard. When a lady acquires her husband's surname after marriage, she is addressed as "Mrs. Stanley Smith." Her husband is referred to as "Mr. Stanley Smith."
If a man takes his wife's surname after marriage, he is called "Mr. Jane Doe" and she is known as "Ms. Jane Doe."
In modern usage, there is no longer any need to use the title "Mr." or "Mrs." After a wedding ceremony, it is customary for friends and family of the couple to refer to them by their first names only, thus, "Stanley and Jane Doe" or simply "Stan and Jana".
The use of titles is not necessary in modern society, but some people may still expect you to be called by your title even if you do not want to be.
For example, they might still call you "Mrs. Smith" even if you are living together without getting married. They would not do this if you had a different last name; then they would be referring to someone who is not married to Mr. Smith!
Titles are also used in religious contexts. For example, Catholics must be called by their given name and surname simultaneously while Protestants can choose which one to use.
For a more formal approach, use "Mr. and Mrs. [His First Name]." Although etiquette is rapidly evolving, spouses are typically addressed using the husband's name. If you know their preference otherwise, follow their lead.
An alternative form is to omit the husband's first name and refer to him as "Mr." or "Mrs." This is particularly appropriate if he has a different last name than you. For example, if they have been married for many years and you know them only as Mr. and Mrs. Smith, then you would refer to them as such.
If you are writing to more than one person with the same surname, it is acceptable to use "and others" after each name. For example, if you were writing to Mary Jones and Susan Smith, you could say: "I also wanted to let you know that I will be attending the wedding of my daughter, Jane, to John Doe this weekend."
You can also write to "Mr. and Mrs. X" or simply use their full names if that is how they identify themselves.
However, if they do not share your respect for privacy and would rather not have their marital status known to everyone they meet, then it is best to use another method.
If a lady is married, she should be addressed as Mrs. If you're inviting a couple, you may choose whether to use their names after their titles (Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Smith), or just use both titles together with the husband's name (Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Smith). You can also say that she/he is "married to X", where X is the husband's name.
If a wife goes by another man's name, he should be used in all correspondence, letters, etc., even if they are written by her husband. For example, his name would be used when writing about investments he makes on her behalf or any other matters related to the marriage.
A married woman should be treated with respect. She is an equal partner in any marriage, including her own, so it is important to acknowledge this fact by referring to her as Mrs. or Mr. Even if her husband doesn't come into possession of any property, she should always be referred to as Mrs. or Mr. because this is the proper way of showing honor toward her.
In today's world, some women feel that they deserve equal treatment as men do. This isn't true, however, because men have a right to seek equality in marriage while women don't. A woman can ask for certain things in a marriage, but not everything is available to men.